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ACT ONE
FADE IN:
EXT. MEADOW - MORNING
Opening her eyes, Xena finds herself looking at…herself. This, in and of itself, isn’t as shocking as it might be for another, since Xena has met several of her own doubles and is more or less used to looking at someone else and seeing her own face and form.
She then looks down, and realizes that she has become somewhat smaller and somewhat fairer than she had been previously.
She looks back up into her own eyes, which are staring at her with a mixture of perplexity and concern.
XENA Interesting development.
Gabrielle opens her mouth to yell, but a laugh comes out instead. She shakes her head.
GABRIELLE Only you, Xena.
XENA Well, it’s not as if I’m unfamiliar with this kinda thing, Gabrielle. I’ve been in other people’s bodies before, remember. I’ve been in your body.
Gabrielle bites the inside of her cheek.
GABRIELLE You know, I don’t think I’m going to touch that.
Xena rolls her eyes.
GABRIELLE (cont’d) So, how do we fix this?
XENA (thoughtfully) Our ceremony with the Amazons must have caused this to happen. It helped to open and strengthen the bond between us. But....
GABRIELLE You’re not sure?
XENA (vexed) No.
GABRIELLE All right then. What if we just try to reverse it? Do what we were doing before and see if that puts us back into our own bodies?
Xena tilts her head a little.
XENA Might work.
GABRIELLE (smiling) Good. What are we waiting for? (beat) Wait a minute.
XENA What?
GABRIELLE What’s that sound?
Xena looks around and finds nothing amiss.
XENA What sound?
GABRIELLE It’s....
Reaching out, she grabs Xena’s arm, which is really her own.
GABRIELLE (cont’d, awed) It’s my heart! I can hear my heart beating! Well, that certainly answers a lot of questions about your hearing.
Xena merely gives a slight nod and lifts her brows in an ‘I know’ fashion.
XENA All right, let’s see if we can fix this. Ready?
Gabrielle takes a deep breath, releasing it slowly as she closes her eyes and nods to Xena.
GABRIELLE Ready.
XENA Okay, same as before. Relax and breathe.
Sitting together, they each begin to slip into a meditative trance.
Then Gabrielle’s eyes pop back open.
GABRIELLE Wait.
XENA What?
GABRIELLE (frustratedly) That infernal buzzing sound. Can’t you hear it?
XENA (dryly) Since you’re currently wearing my ears, the answer would be no.
GABRIELLE Well I can, and it’s driving me nuts! Gods, Xena, how do you stand this?
XENA Just tune it out, Gabrielle.
Gabrielle rolls her eyes heavenward.
GABRIELLE Tune it out she says. By the gods, Xena, do you know what it’s like to have an entire swarm of....
With a triumphant grin, she lashes out and swipes something from mid-air.
GABRIELLE (cont’d) Gotcha!
Opening her palm, she gazes down at a thoroughly annoyed fly that buzzes and flutters its wings at her before hightailing it out of the meadow for safer accommodations.
GABRIELLE (Cont’d, grinning) Long arms and lightening fast reflexes. I could get used to this.
Xena shoots her a look.
XENA Watch it, bard. That’s my body you’re wearing.
Gabrielle’s grin broadens, her eyes twinkling.
GABRIELLE I know.
Xena rolls her eyes.
XENA Can we get back to trying to undo this? I’m feeling a bit... cramped.
GABRIELLE Veeeery funny. (beat) Ok, let’s try again.
Xena nods and their eyes close once again. It is only a few seconds before Gabrielle’s eyes snap open and she is on her feet. She stumbles a bit as the legs she’s currently using are quite a bit longer than she’s used to. Unthinking, she reaches for sais that aren’t there, then straightens, frustrated.
XENA What now?
GABRIELLE Company, headed this way.
Xena also rises, though a bit more gracefully given that she’s had experience in inhabiting Gabrielle’s body. She can hear the sounds that first attracted her partner’s attention, and turns to face them.
GABRIELLE One carriage, one horse. Not moving very fast.
XENA Not the bad guys, then.
GABRIELLE Right.
She shakes her head obviously trying to clear her thoughts, which are running rampant as her mind tries to sync with Xena’s body.
Xena places her hand on, well her own shoulder, in a calming gesture.
XENA Don’t fight it. Everything will be all right.
GABRIELLE I feel like every nerve is trying to get through my... er... your skin. How do you feel?
XENA Remarkably relaxed, believe it or not. But still cramped.
Xena gets an up close and personal gander at her own LOOK and finds herself suitably impressed.
Both look up as the carriage finally comes into view. It is a fine vehicle which is being pulled by a pure white horse. The driver is dressed in clean shiny leather and next to him is a guard holding a cross bow and looking very serious. It’s unclear who is riding inside, but it is clear that whoever it is is quite important.
They watch as the carriage starts to pass, then comes to an abrupt stop at a call from its passenger. A tallish man wearing the distinguished cloak of middle-age steps from the carriage, his eyes round with disbelief.
Gabrielle finds herself looking back at the man. He is familiar in a way that she can’t quite place.
MAN G-G-G-Ga-Gabrielle?
The stutter places him, and Gabrielle breaks out in a beaming grin.
GABRIELLE Twickenham?
Twickenham turns to look at the woman he thinks is Xena.
TWICKENHAM I-I don’t b-b-believe we’ve e-e-ever met, X-X-Xena.
Gabrielle thinks quickly as Xena hides a smirk with her hand.
GABRIELLE Well, no, we’ve never... formally... met, no. But Gabrielle loves to tell stories about her time at the Academy, and you know what a wonderful bard she is.
Xena’s smirk broadens.
GABRIELLE (cont’d) She described you so perfectly that I recognized you right off.
Twickenham smiles proudly and straightens, narrow chest puffed out like a rooster’s.
TWICKENHAM She t-t-talks about me, huh?
GABRIELLE Often, yes.
He turns his smile to who he thinks is Gabrielle.
TWICKENHAM I’d heard the ru-ru-rumors that you hadn’t a-a-aged. And I-I-I-can see they’re all t-t-t-true. You’re as b-b-b-b-beautiful as ever, Gabrielle.
He holds his arms open.
Gabrielle looks to Xena, gesturing with an eyebrow.
Xena shoots her a glare.
Gabrielle’s smirk isn’t hidden.
With a reluctance that is obvious to no one but Gabrielle, Xena crosses the distance separating herself from Twickenham and gingerly hugs him.
XENA (through gritted teeth) It’s so good to see you again, old friend.
Twickenham embraces her tightly and his hands, quite of their own accord, begin to stray beyond the bounds of propriety. Xena resists the mighty urge to break those wandering hands, instead settling for shooting Gabrielle a look she hopes will be well read.
Gabrielle clears her throat and steps forward, catching Twickenham’s eye with a look of her own.
The man pales, releases Xena, and steps back.
TWICKENHAM I-I-I-I-I-I....
Secretly flattered, Gabrielle smiles and steps forward, which for some reason causes Twickenham to pale even further.
TWICKENHAM I-I-I-I-I-I-I....
Reaching out, Xena pats the man comfortingly on one bony shoulder.
XENA It’s all right, Twickenham. Xena is just having some fun. Right, ‘Xena’?
GABRIELLE Oh…right! Yes! Just having fun, Twickenham. Honest.
TWICKENHAM Th-th-th-th-th.... B-b-blast this st-st-st-stutter! I haven’t b-b-been this bad in ye-ye-ye-forever!
XENA I might be able to help with that.
Twickenham looks at ‘Gabrielle’, eyes wide.
TWICKENHAM Re-re-re-really?
XENA Yes. It’s something Xena taught me. May I?
TWICKENHAM P-p-p-p-sure!
Before Twickenham can blink, Xena uses her borrowed fingers to jab two spots to the left and right of his voice box.
TWICKENHAM Ouch! That hurt! What did you.... (beat) Hey! My stutter! It’s gone!! (to 'Gabrielle') Thank you! Oh, thank you!!
XENA My pleasure.
TWICKENHAM There must be some way I can repay you for your kindness.
XENA That’s really not nec—
TWICKENHAM I know! You’ll both travel with me to Athens in style! My coach is large enough for both of you and your belongings. And, of course, I insist that you stay in my villa during the induction ceremony! All the luxuries of home and I can’t think of two people who deserve it more.
XENA Induction ceremony?
GABRIELLE Athens??
FADE OUT.
END OF ACT ONE
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