ACT THREE

FADE IN:

EXT. TRAIL - AFTERNOON

Xena and Gabrielle are both on Argo, in their normal positions. There is a very sour lemon look on Gabrielle’s face.

XENA

Ok, how about this one? There was

an old woman from Thebes with....

GABRIELLE

XENA!

XENA

… down to her knees.

GABRIELLE

Ok, that’s enough.  Dirty limericks might

appeal to battlefield brawlers, Xena, but

this is the Athens’ elite we’re talking

about.  They’re expecting epics.

XENA

That was an epic!

Once again, Xena gets an up close and personal view of one of her myriad of looks.  She can only groan as she tightens her arms around the body in front of her, which is, of course, also her own.

CUT TO:

EXT. ATHENS - EARLY EVENING

Xena and Gabrielle are walking through the streets, which are bustling as usual. Walking through the agora, the shouts of vendors selling their wares ring all around them. ‘Xena’ shakes her head to try and clear some of the noise. ‘Gabrielle’ takes her by the arm and they stop walking.

XENA

Are you okay?

GABRIELLE

Yeah, it just seems like I’m hearing

every thing much louder than normal.

XENA

I know. I’ve learned to tune out what

I don’t want to hear. Close your eyes

and take a deep breath and just

focus on one sound and make it

go away. Do that with all the

sounds that you don’t want to hear.

She does as she’s told and a few second later she opens her eyes and smiles.

GABRIELLE

Thanks.

XENA

You’re welcome. Let’s find Twicky’s

villa. Maybe if we can get settled

some place comfortable, we can

fix this before we have to face Homer

and the rest of your school chums.

GABRIELLE

The theater is on the other

side of the Areopagus.

‘Gabrielle’ blanches at the mention of the hill that was dedicated to Ares.

XENA

You’d think they would have figured

out none of them are coming back.

GABRIELLE

Old habits die hard, Xena.

Worshipping Gods is the only

thing some of these people have.

XENA

I know. Come on. Let’s get going.

CUT TO:

EXT. VILLA - EARLY EVENING

A guard stands outside the gates of Twickenham’s home. As Xena and Gabrielle approach, he holds up his hand to stop them.

GUARD

I’m afraid the gates are

locked for security purposes.

XENA

I’m Gabrielle, an old friend of the

owner. He invited us to be his guests.

GUARD

Ah, yes, I’m sorry. He told me

to expect you, but he thought

you would be arriving later.

XENA

Well we’re here now. Could

you open the gates?

GUARD

Of course.

He unlocks the gates and pushes them open as they walk past he stops ‘Xena’.

GUARD

Any chance that you would

be willing to spar with some

of the estate guards?

‘Gabrielle’ snorts and ‘Xena’ grins.

GABRIELLE

Sure. I’d like a chance

to have a good workout.

GUARD

Great!

They enter the grounds and ‘Gabrielle’ elbows ‘Xena’.

XENA

Don’t get my body hurt, I intend

to get back into it and I don’t

want it all bruised and sore.

GABRIELLE

I don’t intend to get you hurt, but

I may as well take it out for a test

drive while I’ve got it. I mean come

on Xena, you don’t buy a chariot

until you kick the wheels and

check the horse’s teeth.

XENA

(teasingly)

Just don’t get comfortable

with all the extra room.

GABRIELLE

(teasingly)

I kinda like the height. I may

just decide to keep it.

XENA

Don’t get cute. There are some

things that are not negotiable.

As they approach the door, it flies open and Twickenham meets them.

TWICKENHAM

I’m so glad you two are

here. Please come in.

GABRIELLE

Umm, we need to stable Argo.

TWICKENHAM

Don’t concern yourself. I’ll have

one of my groomsmen take her

to the stable and tend to her. But

do come in, there’s someone

here who wants to see you.

CUT TO:

INT. DINING ROOM - MID EVENING

The trio enters, and finds an older man there. He is very distinguished, tall with white hair and a neatly trimmed beard and mustache. He stands from his place at the long table and moves to ‘Gabrielle’. Without asking or waiting, he pulls her into a long hug.

HOMER

It is so good to see you again.

‘Gabrielle’ pulls away as quickly as possible.

XENA

(uncomfortably)

It is good to see you too.

It’s been a long time.

HOMER

Too long. But I can see the years

have been good to you. You’re

as beautiful as ever.

‘Gabrielle’ looks to ‘Xena’, then back to Homer.

XENA

Thank you. You’ve aged very well.

HOMER

I’ve gotten older and hopefully a little

wiser, but you are still the radiant

young woman I remember. The

Gods have been kind.

‘Xena’ steps forward and moves a little closer to Homer, moving ‘Gabrielle’ back a bit.

GABRIELLE

The Gods were not kind...

that’s how we ended up like this.

HOMER

Xena, I have heard stories of your

and Gabrielle’s struggles with the

Olympian Gods. I am sorry for all

that you endured, but I am pleased

that you and my friend have

come through it alive and well.

‘Xena’ smiles and nods.

GABRIELLE

Thank you. That’s very kind of you.

XENA

But enough about us. What is

going on here? With the Academy?

Homer smiles and leads ‘Gabrielle’ to the table where he offers her a seat and a cup of wine. ‘Xena’ takes a seat next to her.

HOMER

I know what transpired on Lesbos, Gabrielle.

I was given a full briefing after Aubin’s trial.

I’m sorry you got caught in the middle

of a conflict that actually started here.

XENA

What exactly happened that would

prompt him to try and hurt Sappho?

Homer sighs and Twickenham takes a seat. It’s clear that they’ve explained this situation several times.

HOMER

Aubin and some of the other elders of the

school discovered that they could make a

nice living from charging excessively high

fees to attend the academy. They were

afraid that if Sappho opened a school

it would reduce the number of wealthy

students who would study here.

GABRIELLE

So when he couldn’t convince her to not

open the school, he opted for other methods.

HOMER

Right, and after Aubin’s treachery was

revealed to some of the students, they

decided to challenge the current administration.

They got most of them thrown out of school,

and I’m afraid that it may have gotten one

or two of them killed. After that, the students

decided they wanted a new chancellor.

Since Twickenham and I have been teaching

here for so long, they came to me with their

concerns and asked me to take the position.

XENA

So the current administration installs

their own lackey and nothing changes.

TWICKENHAM

We have to stop them, Gabrielle,

Xena.  The Academy is much too

important an institution to come to ruin.

GABRIELLE

We’ll do everything we can.

HOMER

I know you will.  I don’t think the Academy’s

safety could be in any better hands.

TWICKENHAM

There is a formal reception tonight. All the

current administration will be there. Students

and patrons will also be in attendance.

XENA

We’ll be there too.

CUT TO:

INT. BED ROOM - EVENING

Xena and Gabrielle are alone, sitting facing each other, eyes closed. It’s obvious that they are trying to reclaim their own bodies.  Gabrielle’s eyes open and she shakes her head in frustration.

GABRIELLE

We’re in real trouble here.

XENA

It’s definitely a problem, but we don’t

have time to worry about this right now.

Someone is trying to kill your college

sweetheart and take over the school.

GABRIELLE

You’re just really enjoying this, aren’t you?

XENA

Absolutely. How often do I get to tease

you about an old flame? Real or imagined.

GABRIELLE

(groaning)

Gods.

XENA

Come on. We need to get down to this dinner

they’re holding and see exactly what’s up.

CUT TO:

INT. BANQUET HALL - NIGHT

The huge room is filled with dozens of people, most of them wealthy and quite unwilling to associate with anyone they consider beneath them. In one corner of the room there is a small group of students who don’t have the means that the other in the room do and they are doing their best to stay away from them.

GABRIELLE

I’m going to start over there.

She gestures to the small group.

XENA

Does that mean I get to go

make nice with the snobs?

GABRIELLE

Yup.  Just remember.  Be charming.

Be elegant. Be witty. Be…

(beat, grinning)

Gabrielle.

XENA

Yeah, well, don’t schmooze too much

while you’re making your rounds.

I have a reputation to maintain.

GABRIELLE

One stoic, stiff as a board,

take no prisoners Warrior

Princess coming right up!

As if turning on a switch, Gabrielle becomes ramrod straight, shoulders thrust out to their widest.  Her eyes narrow and she looks down her nose at Xena with a combination of cold intent and regal elegance.  Xena looks up in poorly disguised awe.

XENA

(muttering)

You know, Gabrielle, you’re

really starting to scare me.

The “Warrior Princess” effect is ruined by a delighted, soft peal of laughter.

Then, after wishing another good look with only their eyes, they separate and begin to mingle.

CUT TO:

INT. BANQUET ROOM - EVENING

‘Xena’ makes her way to the group of students and a few instructors. They all seem to part right down the middle as The Warrior Princess joins the group.

GABRIELLE

Good evening everyone.

How’s the party?

A young man smiles and nods to her. He takes a cup of wine from a tray near his hand and gives it to her.

APOLLODUS

It could be worse.

We could be in Rome.

She laughs and takes the cup.

GABRIELLE

I couldn’t agree more. I’m....

APOLLODUS

Oh we know who you are. We’ve

read enough descriptions of you

in Gabrielle’s scrolls to know Xena,

the Warrior Princess when we see her.

GABRIELLE

Of course.

The young man gestures to a few others around him.

APOLLODUS

This is Hesiod....

A young blonde man nods to her and raises his glass in welcome.

APOLLODUS

(cont’d)

And this is Pindar....

He continues to introduce people and we....

CUT TO:

INT. BANQUET HALL - EVENING

‘Gabrielle’ is walking through the crowd of people who are looking down their noses at the blonde woman in the common travel clothes.

Taking bits of food off various trays, the current inhabitant of the body is doing what she does best, listening. She is hearing whispered comments about ‘her’ and Xena.

XENA

(under her breath)

If they knew the truth, they’d explode.

She’s walking slowly through the group, rather enjoying making these people nervous. She stops as she hears two men specifically mention Gabrielle’s name.

EURIPIDES

She’s nothing but a peasant.

‘Gabrielle’ makes eye contact with him and he doesn’t look away. Taking a deep breath she walks over to them.

XENA

Is there a problem?

EURIPIDES

Not unless you consider the fact that

they’re letting commoners like you

back into the academy a problem.

‘Gabrielle’ stands and looks at him for a minute and then makes a grab for a rather sensitive spot, causing his eyes to squeeze shut and tears to form in the corner of closed lids.

XENA

Now you listen to me. I’ll advise you

only once to watch your mouth or

they’ll be calling you Euripides for

an entirely different reason. Got me?

Not able to speak, he simply nods quickly. The man standing next to him is quite pale now but manages to stammer a bit.

SIMONIDES

I thought you were the nice one.

XENA

You thought wrong.

CUT TO:

INT. BEDROOM - NIGHT

Gabrielle is sprawled across the large bed in a most un-Warrior Princess-like fashion, while Xena paces the length and breadth of the room.  Sighing heavily, Gabrielle throws an arm across her eyes.

XENA

Are you all right?

GABRIELLE

I have a headache.  Do you know

how hard it is to be you?

(beat, off Xena’s look)

Never mind.  Dumb question.

With another sigh, she sits up.

GABRIELLE

(cont’d)

So, were you able to

find out anything?

Stopping her pacing, Xena comes to stand beside the bed, looking down at her partner.  She begins ticking points off on her fingers.

XENA

Your hair is too short, your manners

are too coarse, your muscles are

too big, and.... These boots

don’t go with this skirt.

Gabrielle blinks at her for a moment, then sags back against the wall, laughing.  Finally spent, she moves to sit back up, and winces as her head recommences its infernal pounding. 

Gesturing her partner forward, Xena slips in behind and begins a firm massage, knowing exactly how to get rid of the headache.

Gabrielle’s head lolls back in utter bliss.

GABRIELLE

By the gods, that feels good.

XENA

Mm. So, what were you

able to pick up?

GABRIELLE

Not much, unfortunately... a little to

the left, oh yes, that’s perfect!  If they

weren’t fawning over ‘The Warrior

Princess’, they were looking at me

like I was a rat run over by a

chariot on the side of the road.

(beat)

Something is definitely going on,

though.  You could cut through

the tension with a sword.

They’re all smug as toads.

XENA

Agreed.  The induction ceremony

is in the evening, right?

GABRIELLE

At sunset, yes.

XENA

Good. Then we should use the daylight

hours tomorrow to investigate further.

Pick up whatever clues we can

find before the ceremony.

GABRIELLE

Sounds good.

XENA

Guess we’d better get some

sleep, then.  How’s the head?

GABRIELLE

(drawling)

Marvelous.  I’ve got some pretty

talented hands, don’t I?

XENA

They’re not bad.

Gabrielle turns on her.

GABRIELLE

Not bad!  Why you....

Reaching in, Gabrielle starts tickling the exposed flesh of her partner, her superior strength easily subduing the wriggling, and now very ticklish woman.

GABRIELLE

(large grin)

Ha!  Finally my chance to get even!

Paybacks are a bitch, Warrior Princess.

FADE OUT.

END OF ACT THREE

ACT FOUR