XENITE MEMORIAL: CINDY TINGLEY-HERRERA

Amazon Elder, Webmaster (ForevaXena) and Best Friend

AUGUST 31, 1963 – MARCH 5, 2025

Written by: MaryD

“What we once enjoyed and deeply loved, we can never lose,
for all that we love deeply becomes a part of us.”
– Helen Keller

Life can exasperate and then turn around and give you an incredible gift. That gift was Cindy Tingley. Last night, I lost my friend and my adopted sister all rolled into one package. My heart has shattered into a thousand pieces, knowing I won’t be able to speak to her again. I had known for two years that this day would come, yet I wasn’t prepared.

I want to celebrate the life of this extraordinary woman whose positivity and strength were the cornerstone of her personality, and what a personality it was!

Cindy and I agreed that Dylan Thomas’s poem “Do Not Go Gentle into That Good Night” was not for us. We will fight and try to hang on in any way possible. Fight with every fibre of our being. Cindy fought. She was brave but believed she could beat it despite knowing it was unbeatable. She was always POSITIVE. Her tenacious hold on positivity was awe-inspiring. Alas, although noble and brave, her fight ended, but she left knowing she had given it her all against this ferocious cancer beast.

People come into your life, and those who make the biggest impact are the ones who inspire you to be better, get out of your comfort zone, and just fly. Cindy was the type to throw everything at a problem and give it her all. Never give up, never surrender is the mantra that personified Cindy Tingley.

I hit the jackpot when Cindy emailed me in 1998, and a friendship for the ages was born. Cindy was the webmaster of ForevaXena (Cindy would entrust ForevaXena to me and it’s part of AUSXIP now); a site devoted to Xena, and a non-stop dynamo I found interesting and quirky (even in email). My kind of people. Little did I know that this wonderful human being would enrich my life in ways I never imagined. Even though we had never met in person (at that time), I had a gut reaction to her; my gut is 100% accurate (when I listen to it), and this time it produced a pearler.

We met in person for the first time at the 2005 Xena convention and got on like a house on fire. I’m 5′, and Cindy around 5’10. I was quiet and an introvert; she was an extrovert’s extrovert. She loved to laugh uproariously and was so easy to talk to. You could hear her laugh from one end of the convention hall to the other end.

When Cindy entered a room, her face lit up like a Christmas tree. She was the life of the party, and I loved watching her. She made me laugh and took me out of my comfort zone, and I trusted that she had my back. Unconditional trust.

Our friendship went to a new level in 2005. Actually 13-15 May 2005. That’s such a precise date, isn’t it? Those three days would change Cindy’s life because we were both there for Gentlemen Prefer Blondes to see Lucy Lawless and Faith Prince. I loved Seattle (my first visit), and it profoundly affected Cindy. So much so that she ended up moving there with her beloved wife, Sandra.

Seattle was the start of the longest-running gag of our friendship; in deference to Sandra, I won’t repeat the lines. However, whenever something reminded us of a song from Gentlemen Prefer Blondes, Cindy and I would start singing and laughing like crazy old birds. We revelled in our insanity and celebrated our friendship. We would crack up laughing in elevators, at home, and on the phone–it didn’t matter where it just happened. I loved her upbeat and positive nature and sense of fun.

In the years that followed, Cindy excelled in whatever she set her mind on doing; she was a former cop, a radio host, an IT teacher and the list goes on and on. I love it when my friends just reach for the stars and make things happen. It thrills me beyond measure that I’m there to witness it. That was Cindy, a powerhouse. Larger than life; full of life and energy. She married the woman of her dreams, and what a couple. Sandra, to her credit and to preserve her sanity, left us to run amok; I’m sure it was like herding cats.

I considered Cindy, my sister. She was free to say whatever was on her mind without fear that it would be misconstrued. Only a sister can get away with that. She told me off when needed, was my cheerleader and managed the impossible by taking me out of my comfort zone. In 2015, I found myself contemplating something that would be huge and daunting.

Cindy and I were sitting in her kitchen contemplating my next big thing, one I wasn’t certain I wanted to tackle. Cindy leaned against the kitchen bench and told me to embrace the idea. It would be great, and I should stop overthinking it. Once I finally decided on it, she said, ‘Everyone knows you will do it.’ The funny thing was I didn’t get that memo. Cindy knew where I was headed and was right behind me, being my cheerleader.

On March 15, 2025, that idea that Cindy championed for me to do will be ten years old – AUSXIP Publishing. I will miss the joy and laughter that day would have ensued because she was right. As I write this, I hear her saying, ‘I knew you could do it.’

In September 2024, I travelled to the US before flying to Greece and Dubai. I took the longer route to Europe by stopping in Seattle because I was determined to spend as much time with my sister as possible.

It was worth every single minute. I desperately wanted to be in her company. To laugh and spend whatever precious moments we had left.

Seattle Airport is usually a mess, but it was extra messy this time because someone hacked something that confused everyone. We couldn’t find each other, and going from one end of the baggage claim to the other side was insane. Good thing she was tall because I managed to spot her while playing phone tag. I was jumping around like a lunatic and straight into her arms. My God, I missed her. We laughed our heads off to the car and broke into song.

I have this amazing photo (a selfie, no less) of us in the car in the parking lot of our favourite restaurant, “Red Robin” – we stopped there every time I made it back to Seattle and before we went home. It became a thing we did, and that’s where we sat and talked. Two weeks would never be enough time. No amount of time is enough.

When I returned from my travels, I settled into my routine and caught up with Cindy via messenger and phone. Our chats had dwindled to heart emojis towards the end until February 26. I was at work and had gone downstairs without my phone, and when I returned, I discovered I had missed call and a voicemail from Cindy. I sat there listening to the voicemail, and when I called her back, and I was overcome with the enormity of the moment. I wanted to reach out through the phone, hug her, and never let go.

That was the last time we spoke. She wanted to talk to me for the last time. To let me know how much she loved me and to think positively. We were going to ‘kick this thing in the future’. She kept on fighting when all hope was gone. Unbelievable strength.

Having your best friend still be positive, knowing it would not change the outcome, is awe-inspiring. Always positive. How do you thank the universe for giving you such an incredible friend?. I can’t truly put into words the impact she had in my life and do it justice.

I refuse to believe she’s gone – logic tells me otherwise, but I can feel her; I know she’s not gone. In my mind, heart and memories, she’s still alive. Therefore, she’s not gone. Her spirit lives. One day we will meet again. I just have to be patient and wait (and as I’m writing this, I can hear her laughing at the notion of me being patient).

In one of our quiet times, I told her about the poem “Immortality” by Clare Harner and the solace it gave me after my mum passed. Cindy is still here, vibrant, and everything that made her who she is still lives. Our beloved friends are never gone; they live in our memories until we meet them again.

Immortality (Do Not Stand By My Grave and Weep)

by Clare Harner

Do not stand
By my grave, and weep,
I am not there,
I do not sleep —

I am the thousand winds that blow,
I am the diamond glints in snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain,
I am the gentle autumn rain.
As you awake with morning’s hush,
I am the swift, up-flinging rush
Of quiet birds in circling flight.
I am the day transcending night.

Do not stand
By my grave, and cry–
I am not there,
I did not die.

You will live in my memory, my sister; we will meet again and sing our song. Rest now; your journey in this life is over. Thank you for being my sister my friend.

I love you forever, Cynthia.