ACT 1

FADE IN:

2.

EXT. ROAD. DAY.

Xena and Gabrielle are riding slowly down the road. ARGO is moving slowly and all three seem like they might be half-asleep. It's obvious Gabrielle is asleep behind Xena. Her eyes are closed and her head is resting on Xena's back.

ARGO
(vo)
Ouch, ouch, ouch!

Gabrielle's eyes open slowly, as if someone is gently shaking her.

GABRIELLE
Huh?

ARGO
(vo)
Stone under my shoe.

GABRIELLE
(half asleep)
Take them off.

XENA
What?

GABRIELLE
Take your boots off if you've
got a stone in one.

XENA
Go back to sleep, Gabrielle.
You're dreaming.

GABRIELLE
(smiling happily)
Okay.

CUT TO:

3.

EXT. CAMPSITE. EVENING.

Gabrielle is taking Argo's saddle off when Xena comes up behind her. Standing behind her, Xena reaches for the saddle by putting her arms around Gabrielle. Gabrielle is now basically trapped between Xena and Argo.

XENA
(whispering in her ear)
I'm sorry about this morning.
I didn't sleep very well.

Gabrielle smiles and pretends to decide if she's going to forgive Xena.

GABRIELLE
You mean it?

XENA
Absolutely.
I'm sorry.

GABRIELLE
Sorry enough that you'll
fix dinner tonight?

XENA
Haven't you been
tortured enough today?

Gabrielle turns around and smiles at Xena.

GABRIELLE
Not just yet.

(kisses Xena's chin)

And I'd like rabbit.

Gabrielle ducks under Xena's arm and picks up their BEDROLL and lets it unroll to the ground.

XENA
If I'm cooking it…

A DAGGER sticks out of the ground at Gabrielle's feet, having just been thrown there by Xena. Gabrielle looks up from her feet to Xena's smiling face.

XENA
(cont'd)
You're killing it.

Gabrielle bends over and plucks the dagger out of the ground. She flips it once, catching it smoothly as she squares her shoulders, gaining a very dignified pose.

GABRIELLE
All right, Xena.

(teasing)

I will. You'd better have the
fire going when I get back.

XENA
(chuckling)
Yes, Ma'am.
And oh, Gabrielle?

GABRIELLE
Yes?

XENA
Make it a nice fat rabbit.
I'm really hungry.

GABRIELLE
Right, one fat rabbit
coming up.

CUT TO:

4.

EXT. FIELD. EVENING

Gabrielle is slowly and very quietly crawling through some tall grass. She's actually carrying the dagger in her teeth as she fans her hand slowly in front of her. She stops and smiles around the dagger. Then she reaches out quickly and plucks a RABBIT out of the grass by the scruff. She opens her mouth and simply allows the dagger to fall into her free hand.

GABRIELLE
Well, aren't you cute.
I think I'll call you

(beat)

Dinner.

She readies the dagger when she hears the voice in her head.

RABBIT
(vo)
Please don't!

The dagger drops from Gabrielle's hand as her mouth falls open while she stares at the rabbit.

RABBIT
Please, don't kill me.
I have a wife

(beat)

And sixteen children

Gabrielle's eyes grow wide when she realizes she 'hears' the rabbit. She lets go of his scruff with just a hint of actually flinging him away. She watches as the rabbit scurries away. Then she starts slowly back to camp, walking backward so that she can see where she's been.

Xena sees Gabrielle walking in to camp, staring out at the meadow.

XENA
Gabrielle, what's wrong?

She turns and looks at Xena for a moment then scrubs her face.

GABRIELLE
Ah, nothing. I, umm,
I dropped the dagger. I was going
to get a torch and look for it.

XENA
Tell you what, since I've
been such a joy today,
I'll get dinner.

GABRIELLE
(slightly panicked)
NO!

Xena stands a little straighter as Gabrielle crosses over quickly with her hands up in a gesture of stopping Xena

GABRIELLE
(cont'd)
No, Xena, you can't!

XENA
Sure I can.

GABRIELLE
No, you can't.

(quickly)

I lost the dagger.

XENA
Don't worry I'll just

(makes a breaking motion
with her hands)

snap his furry little neck.

GABRIELLE
(putting her hand to
the base of her throat)
Ewww, do you have to
be so descriptive?

XENA
(looking worried)
Gabrielle, what's
wrong with you?

GABRIELLE
Nothing, I'm fine. Listen,
why don't we have
jerky for dinner tonight?

XENA
We're out.
You had it for a late
snack last night.

GABRIELLE
Fruit?

XENA
Rotten.

GABRIELLE
Cheese?

XENA
Moldy.

GABRIELLE
We can cut the mold off.

XENA
How? You lost the dagger.

GABRIELLE
We can use the chakram.

XENA
If I've told you once, I've
told you a thousand times.
My chakram is NOT to be
used as a kitchen utensil.

GABRIELLE
NUTS!

XENA
There are just some things
you don't mess with and a girl's
chakram is one of them.

GABRIELLE
No, Xena!

(turns Xena toward
a tree and points up)

Nuts. We can have
nuts for dinner.

XENA
Nuts?

GABRIELLE
Sure! I love nuts.
Don't you?
They're so nutty!

XENA
So are you. Gabrielle,
what's going on?

GABRIELLE
Besides we couldn't
fix the rabbit anyhow.
We've got no skillet.

XENA
Gabrielle…

GABRIELLE
Come on, Xena, let's just
crack a few nuts and get
some sleep. Then we
can get up early.

XENA
Nuts?

CUT TO:

5.

EXT. CAMPSITE. NIGHT.

Xena is stirring a spoon through what appears to be nut soup. She sighs, obviously not happy with this evening's offering. She sighs again, then puts her bowl on the ground.

XENA
I'm going to check Argo.

GABRIELLE
Check her shoes.

XENA
I always check her shoes.

GABRIELLE
She's got a rock under one.

XENA
(crossing her arms)
She tell you this?

GABRIELLE
Actually, she did.

XENA
What was in your nuts?
Did you find some of those
funny mushrooms?

GABRIELLE
No! Of course not. I learned my
lesson about those when
you were pregnant with Eve.
All I mean, is that Argo and
I have really gotten to know
each other, and I know when
something is wrong.

XENA
(doubtfully)
Uh huh.

GABRIELLE
Just check her shoes.

Xena continues to stare at Gabrielle who finally gets up and walks over to the horse giving her a loving rub on the nose.

GABRIELLE
I'm telling the truth! We're
best friends now, right girl?

Argo snorts and nodded her head.

GABRIELLE
She says 'right'.

Xena rolls her eyes and walks toward Argo, who snorts again.

GABRIELLE
She says if you're not gonna
eat those rotten apples,
throw a couple her way.

XENA
(teasing)
Yes, boss.

GABRIELLE
(to Argo)
It only took her twenty-six
years, but I think she
finally figured it out.

CUT TO:

6.

EXT. CAMPSITE. NIGHT.

Xena and Gabrielle are tucked down in their bedroll. Gabrielle is still about half-awake, staring into the fire that is still burning. Xena is behind Gabrielle, spooned with her, snoring.

VOICE 3
They're so ugly.

VOICE 4
How do they survive
without tails?

VOICE 3
And did you get a whiff
of the short one?

VOICE 4
Her mate must not
groom her well.

With that comment Gabrielle's head comes up from the ground and she looks across the fire to two SQUIRRELS, sitting on a log, eating left over nuts. They stop chewing and look directly at Gabrielle.

SQUIRREL 1
She sees us.
What do we do?

GABRIELLE
Just shut up, I'm trying
to sleep over here. And
if I smell so bad, go away.

XENA
(in her sleep)
S'okay, I'm use to it.

Gabrielle groans and pulls a blanket over her head.

FADE OUT.

ACT 2