ACT 2

FADE IN:

7.

EXT. VILLAGE. DAY

Xena and Gabrielle are walking into a small village. Argo follows dutifully behind.

GABRIELLE
Xena?

XENA
Hmmm?

GABRIELLE
How do you think
animals communicate?

XENA
Okay, just so this doesn't turn
into one of your 'the stars are other
worlds' debate, I'll tell you how,
because I happen to know.

GABRIELLE
(poking Xena, playfully)
Oh, please, enlighten
me, Socrates.

XENA
(grabbing Gabrielle's
hand and holding it)
Birds chirp and display
their feathers, Dogs growl
and raise their fur…

GABRIELLE
(interrupting)
And squirrels and fish read
each other's minds.

XENA
You've been in the medicinal
henbane, haven't you?

GABRIELLE
(ala Been There, Done That)
No, Xena.
I'm not drunk.
I'm not stoned.
I'm not hallucinating.
I've had no contact with the
Furies, but I tell you, I hear
what animals are thinking.

XENA
(raises brow in amusement)
Uh huh.

(gently)

And what are
they saying, dear?

GABRIELLE
(gesturing wildly)
The fish thought my finger
was a worm and the squirrels
thought I stank.

XENA
I think a night in a nice
soft, warm bed will do
you a lot of good.

GABRIELLE
You don't believe
me, do you?

Gabrielle's getting ready to go into a rant. She picks up her pace walking quicker towards the market.

GABRIELLE
Sure, we can fight bad guys
for each other. We can die
for each other. Go to hell for
each other. But you don't
believe me when I tell you
I'm hearing things!

XENA
(moving quickly to catch up)
Now I never said that.

GABRIELLE
(turning to face her)
No, but you implied I
needed to rest. Like
all I need is a …

Gabrielle stops and turns to face on of the vendor, who is just opening his shop.

GABRIELLE
(cont'd)
Oh this is bad. So
very, very bad.

XENA
What are you
talking about now?

GABRIELLE
I can hear his thoughts!

XENA
Gabrielle…

GABRIELLE
I'm telling you the truth!
He's mad because his silk
from Chin didn't arrive.

XENA
All right, Gabrielle, we're
going to finish this now.

Xena leads Argo over and taps the MERCHANT on the shoulder.

XENA
Excuse us, sir. But my friend
and I are looking for silk
from Chin. Would you
happen to have any?

MERCHANT
(throwing his hands
up in disgust)
Of course! The first time in three
months someone wants silk
and my captain hasn't brought
me a shipment. He's probably
sold it off somewhere and is
drinking my profits. Dirty thieves...
just can't trust them….

Xena backs off from the man who is now ranting and slowly looks to Gabrielle who is standing with her arms crossed, looking very pleased with herself.

XENA
(pointing at merchant)
You knew.

GABRIELLE
I told you!

(taking Xena by the arm)

Come with me.

She leads her to ANOTHER MERCHANT and watches him for a second.

GABRIELLE
He's wishing he
had more business.

She gives Xena a little shove toward the second Merchant.

GABRIELLE
(cont'd)
Go on. Ask him!

XENA
Sir, what…

MERCHANT 2
Ah yes, my first customer!
Good afternoon,
what can I get you?

XENA
(shocked)
Uh…a skin of wine.

MERCHANT 2
That'll be

(beat)

four dinars.

GABRIELLE
You cheat!

She storms forward and grabs the guy by his tunic.

GABRIELLE
You know that wine is
only two dinars. You're
trying to cheat my friend!

Xena tries to pull Gabrielle off the startled Merchant.

GABRIELLE
(cont'd)
Admit it, you thief! You
were cheating my friend!

XENA
Gabrielle!
Leave him alone!

Xena finally drags the enraged Gabrielle away from the Merchant who immediately tosses Xena a WINESKIN.

MERCHANT
You can have it!
Just get her out of here!
She's insane!

GABRIELLE
(growling)
Not yet, but I'm
getting there.

Xena guides her away. Unstopping the skin, she takes a little drink

XENA
Hey, you should go off more
often. This is pretty good.

(offers the wineskin)

Come on, try it.
It'll relax you.

GABRIELLE
I don't want to relax.
I want to know…

Her words are stopped as she watches a WOMAN approach them . The Woman is looking at them both but REALLY looking at Xena. Gabrielle gets a truly indignant look on her face, before yelling.

GABRIELLE
I like it just fine,
thank you! And she
hasn't complained yet!

Now Xena grabs Gabrielle around the waist, drawing her close and putting her other hand over her mouth.

XENA
She doesn't need to know
that much about us.

Gabrielle, still fuming, takes a deep breath through her nose. She nods and Xena slowly takes her hand away from Gabrielle's mouth.

XENA
(cont'd)
You okay?

GABRIELLE
No. Xena, what
is going on?

XENA
I have no idea. But we
certainly need to find out.

GABRIELLE
No kidding.
I'm not liking this new
gift very much.

XENA
Let's get a room and
some food, and we'll see
if we can figure it out.

GABRIELLE
(agreeing nervously)
Okay.

CUT TO:

8.

INT. TAVERN. EVENING

Xena and Gabrielle are at the bar of the local tavern, which doubles as an inn. Xena is leaning against the bar, waiting for the tavern keeper to notice her. Gabrielle has her back to the bar, leaning against it looking out at the rather scruffy patrons.

GABRIELLE
These guys are disgusting.

XENA
What?

GABRIELLE
You should hear
what they're thinking.

Xena turns briefly to look at the group.

XENA
I'll pass. Thanks.

GABRIELLE
I wish I could.

Xena raps her knuckles on the countertop to get the INNKEEPER's attention. He wanders her way as a dirty, scruffy MAN comes to the bar and stands next to Gabrielle.

INNKEEPER
What can I do for you?

XENA
We need a room.

INNKEEPER
I've only got one room left.
One bed. Five dinars.

Xena pays the man and waits for the key. She glances over to see Gabrielle's head slowly swing to face the man next to her.

XENA
(under her breath)
Uh oh.

(quietly to GABRIELLE)

Let's go.

Xena's words don't seem to register with Gabrielle as she pushes off the bar, grabs the guy by the arm, spins him to face her, then decks him. He falls backward, crashing into a table. Then all hell breaks loose as EVERYONE in the bar starts fighting.

Xena ducks just as a STOOL is thrown at her. She rises and hits a guy who is taking a swing at her. He stumbles back into three other men who were coming at her.

Gabrielle is grabbed from behind by a big guy who wraps his beefy arm around her neck. She uses the bar for leverage and uses her feet to push backward. The man stumbles and falls, taking Gabrielle with him. She uses the momentum and gets out of his grasp, climbing to her feet. She sees Xena fighting off six men. It doesn't take her long to dispatch them.

Two SOLDIERS from the local militia come in and begin breaking up the fight. Once they have things calmed down they put their SWORDS away and take the center of the room.

SOLDIER 1
All right, who started this?

Everyone in the room points to Gabrielle.

ALL
SHE DID!

Gabrielle looks around the room to see even Xena is pointing at her. She glares at Xena, who drops her hand and tries to look innocent.

GABRIELLE
Thanks so much, PARTNER!

The Innkeeper points at the door.

INNKEEPER
Get her out of here. We
don't want her kind in here.

GABRIELLE
My kind?
My kind?

(she points to herself and
moves toward the bar)

What IS MY kind?
I'm a bard, for cripe's sake!

Xena grabs Gabrielle and pulls her through the door.

XENA
I'm sure we don't want to know.
Come on, Gabrielle.

GABRIELLE
(sputtering and pulling away)
But…but…

XENA
COME ON, GABRIELLE!

CUT TO:

9.

INT. BARN. NIGHT

Xena and Gabrielle are sitting in a pile of straw in a loft of the local stables. Xena looks annoyed as she unlaces her boots. Gabrielle hazards a glance at Xena as she sits beside her in the straw with her hands in her lap.

GABRIELLE
I'm sorry.

XENA
Uh huh. So am I. I'm sorry
were sleeping in the stables
when there was a soft bed in
a warm room with a fireplace
with our names on it.

GABRIELLE
(sighs heavily)
I know. I shouldn't
have hit him.

XENA
No, you shouldn't have.

(looks to Gabrielle)

Why did you hit him?

GABRIELLE
(mumbling)
He commented on your ass.

XENA
(grinning)
What?

GABRIELLE
Oh, you heard me.

XENA
(laughing now)
No, I didn't, Gabrielle.
What did you say?

GABRIELLE
I said he made a COMMENT
about YOUR ASS.
There.
Are you happy now?

XENA
Aww, that's sweet. You
were defending my honor.

Gabrielle just gives Xena a dirty look.

GABRIELLE
I don't want to talk about it.

Xena laughs and pulls her boots off as Gabrielle pouts because she's being laughed at. Xena sees this and without warning, throws Gabrielle back on the straw. She's leaning over her with her fingers poised over Gabrielle's ribs and they're both laughing now.

GABRIELLE
XENA! DON'T!

XENA
Stop pouting or
I'll trickle you.

GABRIELLE
You really don't
want to do that.

XENA
Oh, yes I do!

Xena starts to tickle Gabrielle.

GABRIELLE
(laughing and trying
to squirm away)
UNCLE!
STOP!

XENA
What will you give
me if I stop?

GABRIELLE
My sais.

XENA
Not interested.

GABRIELLE
(laughing harder)
My scrolls!
XENA!
STOP!

XENA
You can do
better than that.

GABRIELLE
A kiss.
I'll give you a kiss.

Xena stops and looks at Gabrielle. They're both smiling, having enjoyed their roughhousing.

XENA
Pay up.

Gabrielle pulls herself out of the straw and meets Xena nose to nose. Their eyes close and their lips meet.

DISSOLVE TO:

10.

INT. BARN. NIGHT

Gabrielle rolls over and curls up next to Xena. They are tucked down in the straw with their blankets pulled over them.

GABRIELLE
Xena?

XENA
Hmm?

GABRIELLE
Are you asleep?

XENA
(rolling over to look at her)
Not anymore. What's up?

GABRIELLE
Why can't I hear
your thoughts?

XENA
What?

GABRIELLE
Why can't I hear
what you're thinking?

XENA
You can't?

GABRIELLE
No. I just realized it when I
was laying here and I heard
that stallion flirting with Argo.
I can hear the thoughts
of every living thing but you.

XENA
That's odd.

GABRIELLE
I think the whole
thing is odd, Xena.

XENA
Of course it is, but I
would have thought
you would hear me.

GABRIELLE
(taps on Xena's forehead)
It's that thick head.

XENA
(captures Gabrielle's hand)
Be good.

GABRIELLE
I am being good.

XENA
No, you're not.

GABRIELLE
I'm being as good
as you want me to be.

Xena laughs and pulls the blankets over their heads.

FADE OUT.